How to Truly Understand Yourself: Ego Death, Ordeals & the Invitation to Awaken

By Alex The Builder Philosopher

The Hidden Spiritual Journey We All Must Face

At some point in life, everything falls apart. It might come as a slow unraveling or a sudden collapse, but the result is the same: who you were no longer works. The things that once gave you meaning feel empty. The structures you built crumble beneath you. You look in the mirror, and the person staring back at you feels like a stranger.

This isn’t failure, it’s initiation. The world’s oldest myths tell us that before rebirth, there must be a descent. Before wisdom, there must be ego death. And before awakening, there must be a call.

This is the path of transformation, the one walked by shamans, mystics, warriors, and seekers throughout time. It’s encoded in the ancient stories of gods and mortals, passed down in symbols and sacred texts. But it’s not just a myth, it’s your story too.

Inanna’s Descent is one of the earliest and most complete maps of this process. It is the journey of losing everything, descending into the underworld, facing total annihilation—and then returning, but never as the same person. This is the journey you are on.

Here, we will explore:

• The Four Ordeals That Shape Every Soul – The tests of Earth, Fire, Air, and Water that strip away our illusions.

• Inanna’s Descent & Ego Death – The deep transformation where everything is lost before rebirth.

• The Subtle Invitation to Awakening – The unseen guides, symbols, and messengers that push us toward transformation.

Wherever you are in this cycle, know this: it is happening for a reason and the only way out is through.

The Four Ordeals That Shape Every Soul

Since the dawn of civilization, humanity has sought to understand its trials through the heavens. The Sumerians mapped the sky as early as 5500 BCE, and their myths—rooted in the journeys of the Sun and Moon—became the foundation for how we perceive time, fate, and life itself.

These myths carried through the ages. The Atrahasis epic, which predates the flood story in the Bible, describes four great plagues sent by the gods before the great flood (Water meant purification):

1. A deadly disease upon the people.

2. Famine by cutting off food supplies.

3. The heavens sealed, preventing rain.

4. Another wave of disease and starvation.

The Egyptians had the Four Sons of Horus as guardians of transformation.

The Twelve Labors of Hercules might be another clue—he goes through physical hardship, loss, injustice, and adaptation.

These themes carried into Judeo-Christian traditions as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—Conquest, War, Famine, and Death—acting as catalysts for the renewal of humanity.

In Hermetic philosophy, these ordeals became tied to the four classical elements, the four directions on the cardinal cross, and the four trials of transformation that every soul must face. To me, this is the simplest way to understand the struggles of life—through the lens of Earth, Air, Water, and Fire.

🔥 The Trial of Fire (East – Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) – Injustice & Controlled Rage

This ordeal comes when you are wronged, falsely accused, or betrayed. It could be something as small as slander on social media or as severe as legal injustice or being attacked for something you didn’t do.

🔥 If you react with blind rage, you fail this test🔥

The true challenge is to remain unmoved, to master the fire within rather than let it consume you. Anger clouds the mind, making it harder to navigate solutions. The Tibetan monks who set themselves on fire in protest exemplify this mastery—not reacting with rage, but with absolute control.

In my own life, this was my hardest trial. I spent years in anger over the Quebec government refusing to pay my invoices, the CRA hitting me with a $1.5M tax notice, and cities making construction impossibly bureaucratic. I carried that anger for years—until I learned this lesson.

When I let go of anger, things started changing. Doors opened. Fortunes shifted. I stopped wasting energy on battles I couldn’t win and focused on the ones I could.

🌎 The Trial of Earth (South – Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) – Endurance & Hardship

The Earth ordeal is the forever test—the daily grind, the weight of responsibility, and the relentless obstacles placed in your path. Just as the Earth’s seasons force life to endure barren winters before blooming again, this trial pushes you to adapt, persist, and harden yourself.

💎 Like coal turning into diamonds under pressure, this trial is meant to refine you. 💎

As a contractor, this is my daily life: solving endless problems, adapting to every setback, managing delays, budgets, and people. I live in this trial every day.

Earth is patience, discipline, and resilience. It teaches us to stand unmoved, like a mountain: to endure, not break.

🌬️ The Trial of Air (West – Libra, Aquarius, Gemini) – Detachment & Loss

The Air ordeal is about loss—losing loved ones, losing wealth, losing status, losing things we cling to. Most people spend their lives attached to people, possessions, and identities. When these are taken away, grief can consume us.

🌪️ If we remain attached, we suffer. If we learn to let go, we evolve. 🌪️

When I look back at my own life, I see how much Air tested me:

• Losing my father.

• Losing our wealth—twice.

• Losing my partner and best friend.

Each of these moments tried to break me. But acceptance is the only way forward. Loss is part of life. We must learn to face it with serenity: to trust that what is gone needed to leave to make space for something greater.

🌊 The Trial of Water (North – Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer) – Flow & Adaptability

The Water ordeal is about adaptability. Water takes the shape of whatever contains it, flowing around obstacles rather than resisting them. In martial arts, they say, “Be like water.” In life, when chaos strikes, you can either stand frozen and break—or flow and adapt.

🌊 This ordeal tests how well you handle sudden, uncontrollable changes. 🌊

• Unexpected financial hits.

• A career change you didn’t anticipate.

• A relationship collapsing out of nowhere.

• A sudden betrayal or shift in your reality.

If you are too rigid, you drown. If you embrace change, you survive.

I see this in my own life—construction is unpredictable, and every day is a battle of adaptation. I solve problems constantly—if I didn’t, my projects would collapse. Life rewards those who can move with the currents rather than fight them.

Final Thoughts on the Four Ordeals

Looking back, I realize these trials are everywhere. Everyone is going through at least one at any given time.

🔥 Fire (Injustice) tested me through government corruption and financial battles.

🌎 Earth (Hardship) tests me daily in the struggle of building and problem-solving.

🌬️ Air (Loss) has taken my wealth, loved ones, and old identities.

🌊 Water (Adaptability) forces me to navigate an ever-changing world.

The ancient stories tell us that overcoming these trials leads to spiritual rebirth. In Atrahasis, it led to the flood that renewed the world. In Hermetic tradition, it leads to alchemical transformation. In the Book of Revelation these are paints as world-ending catastrophes, but apocalypse doesn’t mean destruction; it means revelation. A lifting of the veil, a chance to see reality for what it is.

In real life? It leads to understanding who you really are.

The ancients believed that only those who passed these trials could be reborn, transformed, or ascended. Those who resisted? They were broken by them. Which of these trials are you facing right now? How have they shaped you?

The Death of the Ego: Inanna’s Descent & Your Personal Initiation

Inanna’s Descent is one of the oldest and most important spiritual stories of transformation. It prefigures Jesus’ descent into the underworld, Osiris’ death and resurrection, the trials of shamans, and even modern ego-death experiences.

The Call to Descent in the Underworld

Inanna, the goddess of love, war, and fertility, seeks more power. Her excuse? She tells everyone she’s going to "attend the funeral" of her sister Ereshkigal’s husband. She knows it’s dangerous, so she prepares an escape plan—telling her loyal servant Ninshubur that if she doesn’t return, they must plead to the gods for help.

This is the first step—the call. You feel the pull downward, losing everything you identified with, but you still try to cling to your old identity:

• Your career collapses, or you realize you hate what you do.

• A relationship that defined you ends—divorce, betrayal, loss.

• You lose status, money, or your place in the world.

• You suddenly feel like a stranger in your own life.

The Seven Gates – Stripping of the Ego

Each gate represents a stage of spiritual purification, where Inanna abandons an aspect of her worldly identity. The Babylonians believed in planetary spheres as barriers the soul must pass through after death. The seven gates of the underworld correspond to these planetary veils, which must be crossed to attain divine enlightenment. As Inanna enters each gate, she is forced to give up a piece of her royal attire and symbols of power:

• First Gate – Stripping ego, earthly status, authority: “When Inanna entered, the turban, headgear for the open country, was removed from her head.”

• Second Gate – Abandoning intellectual pride: “When she entered the second gate, the small lapis-lazuli beads were removed from her neck.”

• Third Gate – Releasing attachment to pleasure: “When she entered the third gate, the twin egg-shaped beads were removed from her breast.”

• Fourth Gate – Surrendering desire, passion, instincts, war-love duality: “When she entered the fourth gate, the 'Come, man, come' pectoral was removed from her breast.”

• Fifth Gate – Surrendering material power, status, wealth, oaths, and contracts: “When she entered the fifth gate, the golden ring was removed from her hand.”

• Sixth Gate – Letting go of her power of justice and order: “When she entered the sixth gate, the lapis-lazuli measuring rod and measuring line were removed from her hand.”

• Seventh Gate – Accepting total surrender to the divine, the last illusion of separation: “When she entered the seventh gate, the pala dress, the garment of ladyship, was removed from her body.”

This is the stripping of power at the gates, the initiation. You’re starting to see that your old self was just a mask as the things that once gave you meaning feel empty:

• Work, hobbies, and even spirituality feel hollow.

• You used to care deeply about certain things—now you feel numb.

• You see through old illusions—society, your role, your past beliefs—and it leaves you lost.

Judgment – Inanna is Found Guilty

Ereshkigal, enraged at Inanna’s presence, orders her to be judged by the Anunnaki (the Underworld Judges).

This is the encounter with your shadow self—the brutal confrontation with what you’ve avoided:

• You see parts of yourself you denied, repressed, or ran from.

• You feel like you are being punished—but for what?

• Anger, resentment, shame, guilt, or regret surface like never before.

• You are forced to acknowledge a truth you refused to see.

The Underworld Judges declare her guilty and execute her.

This is the bottom of the abyss. You are at the hook as you face a crisis you can’t fix:

• You hit a breaking point—a moment of powerlessness.

• No strategy, no amount of money, no intellectualizing can solve it.

• You might experience betrayal, extreme injustice, or a deep personal failure.

• You can no longer "force" reality to bend to your will.

Death – Inanna is Hung on a Hook

She literally dies. They hang her lifeless body on a hook.

This represents ego death, complete powerlessness, and facing the void. The old you is gone, but the new you isn’t here yet. You feel like you are dying (but not physically):

• Your sense of self crumbles.

• You feel like you have nothing left to hold onto.

• The world doesn’t make sense anymore.

• This can trigger deep depression, apathy, or detachment.

She spends three days and three nights on that hook.

At this stage, the descent feels endless. You have no control, no sense of time. The old self is dead, but nothing has replaced it yet. You are stuck in the void.• Life has no meaning anymore—everything feels disconnected.• You try to "fix" yourself with books, therapy, meditation, or distractions, but nothing works.• You wonder if this will ever end—or if you will be lost forever.

This is the part no one talks about. The void is the longest phase of transformation.

Then, something changes.

Not immediately. Not dramatically. But a shift happens, a deep moment of surrender.

🔹 A thought hits you like lightning—a realization you never saw before.🔹 You feel the first pull toward life again, even if you’re not sure why.🔹 Your mind starts connecting dots—"Maybe everything that happened was necessary."🔹 You are still in the underworld, but something tells you it’s time to move.

The Beginning of the Ascent – Enki Sends Help

Ninshubur, Inanna’s servant, follows the plan—pleading with the gods to bring her back. Enlil refuses. Nanna refuses. Finally, Enki (God of Wisdom) creates two small creatures and sends them to Ereshkigal.

Instead of demanding Inanna’s release, the creatures show empathy to Ereshkigal in her screaming pain. This softens Ereshkigal’s heart, and she agrees to release Inanna.

This is the beginning of your ascent. The first light appears:

• A shift happens. A realization, a moment of clarity, or a deep surrender.

• Someone or something brings you a message—a book, a dream, a synchronicity.

• You don’t return as the same person—you are changed, but you’re still integrating what happened.

• You start building a new identity, based on truth rather than illusion.

A Life for a Life – Inanna Returns to the World at a Price

The Underworld has a rule: "No one leaves without sending someone else in their place." The demons escort Inanna out, looking for a replacement. They find her husband, Dumuzi, sitting on her throne, indifferent to her suffering. Furious, she offers him up in her place.

Inanna returns to life, but at a cost. Something must always be sacrificed. Dumuzi represents attachment to the old life, and his time below represents the necessary destruction of the past before new life can grow.

🔹 You must sacrifice something to be reborn:

• Old attachments must die.

• The past must be buried.

• Only then can something new emerge.

Dumuzi tries to flee but is caught by the demons. His sister, Geshtinanna, begs to share his fate. A deal is made:

• Dumuzi will spend half the year in the Underworld, and

• Geshtinanna will take his place for the other half.

This mirrors the natural cycle of life, death, and rebirth—spring and summer (Dumuzi above), fall and winter (Dumuzi below).

How to Move Through the Descent (Instead of Fighting It)

The biggest mistake I made is resisting the process instead of questioning what was happening to me:

❌ Cling to my old life and try to force things back to how they were.

❌Deny what’s happening, pretending it’s “just a phase’’ or blaming others

❌ Numb myself in dopamine addiction: alcohol, drugs, distractions, even high stress sports like dirt bike and race car.

I wish I knew earlier how to:

✅ Accept that the old self is gone.

✅ Face the painful truths instead of running.

✅ Trust that this is part of the process.

✅ Be open to signs and messages when they come.

Does it Resonate with You? Have you experienced the descent before? Are you in it now? What was the moment you realized everything was falling apart?

The Subtle Invitation to Awakening: How Your Guardian Calls You

The Universal Pattern: Messengers & Transformation

Throughout history, divine beings have guided, warned, and initiated transformation in humanity. It’s a pattern woven into mythology, religion, and esoteric traditions. Humanity is never left entirely alone—there is always a messenger, a guide, or a force offering help, whether it leads to ascension or downfall.

This theme repeats across cultures and time:

• Sumerian & Babylonian Myths – Enki gives Adapa divine knowledge.

• Hinduism – Krishna appears to Arjuna before battle.

• Buddhism – Mara tempts Buddha at the moment of enlightenment.

• Greek Mythology – Hermes guides Odysseus through trickery and wisdom.

• Prometheus steals fire for humanity.

• Dionysus visits kings and mortals, bringing madness or divine joy.

• Biblical Stories – Yahweh calls Moses. Gabriel announces Jesus’ birth. Jesus appears to Saul. The list goes on.

• Metatron in mystical traditions initiates humans into higher wisdom.

The Hero’s Journey follows the same structure—whether in myths, religious texts, or modern fiction:

1. A Messenger Appears – Angel, god, or unseen force.

2. A Great Truth is Revealed – But it’s often overwhelming.

3. The Hero Resists or is Overwhelmed – No one wants to transform.

4. The Trial Happens Anyway – The person must act, accept, or survive.

5. They Return Changed – They either rise in wisdom or are destroyed.

This is so deeply embedded in human consciousness that it’s reflected in the most popular modern stories:

• Obi-Wan Kenobi appears to Luke Skywalker.

• A magical owl brings a letter to Harry Potter.

• Gandalf arrives at Frodo’s door.

The message is always the same: “You are being called to something greater—but you must choose to step forward.”

The Subtle Invitation: Recognizing the Call

Many people assume spiritual awakenings come in dramatic moments—visions, miracles, or life-changing events. But in reality, the first invitation is often subtle.

• A book appears at the right time.

• A stranger’s words hit you in the gut.

• A dream lingers in your mind.

• A sudden, unshakable intuition tells you something is shifting.

  
  

The problem is, most people ignore the invitation. They rationalize it, dismiss it as coincidence, or push it away because it threatens their current way of thinking.

For me, the call started through meditation. At first, it was subtle—repeated patterns, symbols, thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. Then, I became obsessed with Metatron’s Cube, trying to understand how to replicate the splendor of ancient cathedrals in the houses I build. That led me to sacred geometry, psychological archetypes in astrology, and eventually, the creation of Stellar Architecture.

[ https://www.buildermeditations.com/stellararchitecture ]

From there, everything escalated. I found myself drawn to ancient stories about Enoch, Thoth, and Enki—all of whom embody the same archetype: the divine scribe, the one who holds secret knowledge. It hit me one day that these figures all align with the Virgo archetype—the sign of precision, wisdom, and structure. That’s when it became undeniable—this wasn’t just curiosity anymore. I was being guided toward something.

Then I started noticing how much in this world doesn’t make sense. The deeper I dug, the more I realized the universe isn’t random—it’s structured, intelligent, and layered with meaning. I finally understood we are part of something greater—a universal consciousness.

[ https://www.buildermeditations.com/post/universal-consciousness-how-the-stars-symbols-and-you-are-connected ]

But my invitation wasn’t just about understanding, it’s about transformation. Many of the great initiates throughout history didn’t just receive a vision, they were given practices to refine themselves. Whether it was meditation, sacred breathwork, or the path of the Solar Body, the true return from the underworld is about integration.

Ignoring the Call: How the Universe Makes the Lessons Louder

But this realization didn’t come easily. I resisted it for years. And when you resist the call, the universe has a way of making the lesson louder—until you can no longer ignore it.

Looking back, I can see that I had been receiving the invitation for years, but I wasn’t ready to listen.

Instead, I:

• Drowned it out with distractions.

• Bought useless shit I didn’t need, thinking it would make me happy.

• Chased money for the sake of money, only to end up in financial struggle over and over.

• Fell into anger and despair, refusing to question why this kept happening to me.

The universe forced me into reflection by taking away everything that wasn’t real. My old identity, my false sense of security—all of it burned away until I had no choice but to look inward.

This is the part of the journey where you either listen, or the universe turns up the volume.

Thinking back, have you ever felt nudged toward something, but ignored it?

Where Are You in This Journey?

Transformation is not a choice—it is an inevitability. You will be tested. You will be stripped bare. You will descend. Whether you fight it or surrender to it is up to you.

The Four Ordeals show us that every trial we face is an opportunity for refinement. Will you let them harden you, or will they forge you into something greater?

Inanna’s Descent teaches us that before we can rise, we must first die. Who you were before, the identity, the titles, the illusions, cannot come with you into the next version of yourself. This is painful, but it is necessary. If the old self does not die, the new self cannot be born.

And then, when the time is right, the messenger arrives. Maybe it’s an angel, a dream, a book, a pattern you can no longer ignore. The invitation is given—but will you accept it? Most people don’t. They resist. They explain it away. And so, the universe turns up the volume until they can no longer ignore it.

The greatest initiates of history didn’t stop at awakening, they built something new. The invitation is already in your hands. What will you do with it?”